What horrible combination of genetics caused me to be wired this way? Is it the family history of depression, my childhood Asperger's or all of it together. We not about to be put out on the street. Yes we up to our eyeballs in debt and because of a few medical bills have even been getting some debt collector calls - something I have NEVER experienced. But we are expecting some big checks to come in - even though they may take another month. And yes I will (75%) probability have to sell some more stock to get through this difficult month. IG is starting swim team this week and that will be at least another $100 - $50 for athletic fee and $50 for swim team suit. Still no new stove in sight. :-(
But my morning anxiety attacks are particularly bad again. And the ativan doesn't seem to be as effective right now. I am trying to make bargains with myself to hang on. No, I'm not on the Zoloft anymore - I was made to go cold turkey in the hospital and I never had any withdrawal effects that time so I decided to just stay off of them. I have not really noticed any differences either.
I am praying that I can continue hanging on. I don't feel like I have a lot of support. That's the problem with being a loner with a very small family. Dh is trying but his empathy meter is rather low and he seems to never let go of past issues. I know that's a maturity issue on his part although I guess my coping skills (or lack thereof) are all about the immaturity. If other people can pray that I can hang on too it would be appreciated. I am in a very bad way right now.
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